


what a catch, inquisitor

by arlathans



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Diary/Journal, Drabbles, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, POV Second Person, Present Tense, Snippets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-03-10 23:07:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 9,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3306731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arlathans/pseuds/arlathans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alayne Lavellan and her diary of sorts.</p><p>She saw Cassandra and fell in love.</p><p>/ update 16/10/2016: unlikely to be continued</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the conclave is lost

**Author's Note:**

> Definetely inspired by the fic series A Flash of Red/A Flash of Blue (10/10 would recommend).  
> Title may change.

When you first see her, you know that she's the one.

 

Varric would say _don't start it like that, my friend. That's so used._ He could write it ten times better, probably, if you'd let him.

 

Words don't come easily to you, just like they don't to her.

 

She slams the door open, followed by another woman, but you only have eyes for her. She has scars on her face, but they don't make it disfigured. Instead, they highlight her strong cheekbones. Her short black hair is impeccably done, and you are so deep staring into her eyes that you nearly miss her speaking. Her accent is lovely, a mixture that cannot be placed on the map, from nowhere and everywhere at once.

You barely understand her words. You cannot believe they think you did it - how could you have done it? Why would you have done it? You want peace between mages and templars just as much as she and the red haired woman seem to do.

 

Shame that you can't remember what happened.

 

Eventually she frees your hands, and you make your way towards the forward camp. She fights just like you'd expect a warrior to fight. Straightforward.

 

You meet Varric and Solas on the way. You immediately decide you like the dwarf. You're not so sure about the elf, though. He's not Dalish, and you don't know what to make of him. At least he's a mage like you.

 

You don't pay much attention to them. You only have eyes for her.


	2. proper introductions

You wake with a start, sitting up in the bed you dimly note you were lying on. A glance around tells you that you're in a small cottage, warm and cozy with wooden walls and a roaring fire in the fireplace. Some books are lying about. Out of the window you see little else than a snowy village surrounded by mountains.

 

An elf in simple clothing enters and drops her carryings, startled to see you awake. You try to reassure her, but she won't hear it, dropping to her knees and rambling something about blessings and how she is but a humble servant. The only thing you really learn is that Seeker Cassandra wants to see you.

Seeker Cassandra.

The name is fitting, you think as you make your way towards the Chantry of the village. She somehow looks like someone named Cassandra should. You can't stop thinking about her eyes and lips, and that adorable crinkle on her nose as she frowns.

 

She's defending you. That's all you can register. There are other people in the room, Leliana, and some Chantry fellow. He yells about you being a _murderer_ and Creators know what else, and she's defending you.

 

He leaves, and you're left alone with her and the redhead. They explain to you about the Inquisition and how they need you to close the Breach.

 

You shake hands. Cassandra's grip is firm, yet surprisingly gentle at the same time. You sort of want to hug her, while you're at it, but that would be too hasty. You don't even know each other.

Yet.


	3. meetings

Surprisingly, you become friends with Solas. You have similar views about things, and he has the most fascinating stories about the Fade.

  
Generally, the people surrounding you are amazing.

Varric soon becomes your best friend, the one person you tell everything, the one you trust most, the one you feel most comfortable with. He's a writer, and you find this most intriguing. You ask to lend one of his books. He gives you the one telling about the Champion. It's really well written, though it takes you ages to read, as your skill in Common could be better. But you get by.

Sera is surprisingly fun company, too. You often look out for her when she's pulling pranks on people. You are her safeguard, the one who quietly tells her to _come on, someone's coming!_ and then you're both running, laughing, breathless, and hide behind buildings as you make your way back to the small inn.

Cullen seems most confused when you pay attention to him. He's fairly handsome, too, and seems reliable. _If Cassandra weren't here, too, I'd go for him,_ you find yourself thinking.

Josephine is a sweet girl, and you find yourself enjoying her company. You talk with her often, and she helps you when you mention that you can't read Common so well; she lends you books and tells you meanings for words you've never known before.

Leliana fascinates you; her lover was the _Hero of Ferelden_ , for Creators' sake, and you ask her often about the Dalish elf who killed the Archdemon. She's awfully secretive, though. You assume it comes with her being the spymaster.

 

But in the end of the day, Cassandra is the one you like the most. You always look out for her, and occasionally try to flirt with her. You learn that she's Nevarran, and royalty, too, and eventually you two become close, and every time you talk with her, you almost blurt it out. _I love you._ But you never do.

 

You can't take your eyes off her.


	4. protector

It's funny, the ways someone can protect you.

 

Cassandra is always looking out for you when you go solve the problems around Ferelden. She somehow manages to deal with that single bandit targeting you before you even notice them. She saves you from a dragon's ball of fire and pulls you with her back to the caves, and you retreat quietly with her. She stops the bear trying to dash towards you with a single, clean cut to the leg, and when the bear falls to the ground she stabs, and the bear is dead. You mourn said bear for a second, before she reminds you that it would've killed you.

 

And when you find her in the dungeon surrounded by red lyrium, you can't stop yourself from crying as you try to fumble with the lock, and the moment the door opens you fling yourself to her, wrapping your arms tightly around her. She hugs you back, her arms weaker than you remember. When you look up, her expression is sad, and you just hold her closer to you, and you just can't let go of her. You apologise so many times, and every time she just shakes her head and tells you that _it wasn't your fault, Herald. You didn't know what was going to_ _happen,_ but that doesn't stop you from apologising.

And then she tells you to fix this, to go back in time and _fix this_ , and you promise you will try, and she gives her life protecting you.

When you reappear from the portal, you refuse to let her out of your sight. You only glance at Alexius, and the king when he arrives, and when you offer full alliance to the mages, you see her shaking her head, but you've already given your word to Fiona, and you have no intention to go back on it, with the approval of Cassandra or not.

 

And then you're back in Haven, and you stand side by side with her, and it's all you can do that you don't reach out and take her hand.


	5. not a safe haven

She looks proudly at you as you close the Breach.

 

You stand side by side that evening, watching the people celebrate. You discreetly shuffle closer to her, until you would be able to take her hand. You want to. You want to take her hand, hug her, hold her, anything, but you don't.

You consider telling her that you love her.

But you don't, so you just stand there, next to her, sneaking glances at her from the corner of your eye.

 

 

And then all hell breaks loose.

 

 

She fights by your side, until you tell her to flee so you can bury the village in snow. She clearly wants to stay, to protect you, but she knows she can't, and she leaves.

 

You've never wanted to run after someone so much.


	6. snow

Snow. Wind.

 

Everything is frozen. Even you're almost frozen. Your bones ache, and you are seriously  _cold._ There is nothing around you but snow and darkness and biting wind. You want Cassandra to be here. You want Bull to be here, or Dorian, or Varric, or anyone. You want to lie down and let the snow cover you. You want to make a hole in the snow and rest.

 

You want to make a fire, to get yourself warmer, but you have no energy left. You're barely standing.

 

You think about all you've done and wonder whether this is where you die as you try to make your way through the blizzard.

 

You're alive, though. That's good. But you're not sure for how much longer.

 

 

A recent campfire. They're alive, too. Good. Relief rushes over you as you collapse. You hear a voice.

"There! It's her!"

You're not sure who it is. Cullen, maybe.

"Thank the Maker!"

That's Cassandra. Creators be praised, she made it.

 

Then, everything goes black and there is nothing else but the void.


	7. safe again

When you wake up, you're on a bedroll next to a fire, under a dozen blankets and furs, wearing nothing. Cassandra lies next to you, fast asleep, her other arm draped around you. She is not clothed, either. You realise quickly that this was all to get you warm after wandering in the blizzard for Creators know how long, but you cannot help the longing settling down to your stomach.

You're so close to Cassandra you can feel her breath on your neck, so close you can almost see how she got her scars.

You're so close to her that you could move your head slightly to the side and you would already be kissing her.

You can't stop staring at her lips.

 

You want to kiss her, to hold her like she's holding you right now, another arm around her, another perhaps caressing cheek.

 

You lose yourself in this dream, this dream that might someday be true, lose yourself so completely in it that you don't even notice her dark eyes opening, before she says something.

 

"What?" you croak, voice hoarse. She smiles faintly, and repeats her words.

"I said _hello, Herald_ , but you were clearly too busy staring at my face to hear", she chuckles lightly. You feel blood rushing to your face and ears, and you turn away.

"For what reason, I cannot imagine", she continues quietly. "But that doesn't matter. How are you feeling?"

 

You mumble an answer, _I'm fine_ , still embarrassed. You feel the laughter rumbling in her chest, and blush even more. Her breast presses into your back as she moves slightly closer to you and holds you a bit tighter. If it is even possible to blush more, you do.

"Really, Herald. How are you? You were near frozen when we found you."

You turn your head to see her looking at you worriedly, a slight frown on her brow.

"I'm fine now", you insist, face still red. She nods, but doesn't look away.

 

After a moment she lets go of you and slips away from under the furs. You are amazed that she dares brave the cold mountain air as she starts pulling her clothes on. You sit up, drawing the blankets and furs around you, huddling under them.

You're staring, mouth slightly open, but you can't tear your eyes away.

She's muscular, just like you'd expect a warrior to be. Slim, with long limbs. Your gaze wanders, resting for a moment that firm backside, sliding along her shoulders, sides, arms. When she's pulled her trousers on, she turns around, picking up a shirt, and you catch sight of her breasts. Round, perky, nipples erect in the cold.

She looks at you, blushing slightly as she realises you're staring. You suddenly become very interested in the texture of the blanket, blood rushing to your face.

 

Cassandra finishes getting dressed, and coughs awkwardly.

"Well, uh, I'll leave you now, Herald."

"Right."

You look up just as she's about to exit the tent.

"Cassandra?"

She turns, still seeming flustered.

"I'm- I'm sorry. About, um. Staring." _Creators, this is so embarrassing! You shouldn't have stared in the first place, you --_

"It's alright, Herald. I still don't understand _why_ you would want to stare at me, but I don't think I mind."

You smile tentatively at her. She smiles back at you, and turns to finally leave the tent.

 

You sigh and start pulling your clothes on, careful to stay under the blankets.


	8. let the sky hold

Solas was right.

The fortress looks strong, if a bit ragged. You're sure the Inquisition forces will get it to a shining condition soon enough, though.

 

Skyhold.

 

A fine name, you think, seeing how it is indeed a _hold_ and so high in the mountains it nearly touches the sky. Cloudless sky, mind you. There seems to be a magical weather shield around the castle, creating the lovely, mild climate inside the walls.

A nice change from wandering through snow.

 

You get your own room, which is full of light and warmth. A huge bed is in the middle of it - well, huge, if you compare it to the bedroll you're used to sleeping on. It has such a soft mattress, too, and the bedlinen are _silky_. You wonder how much money Josephine must've spent on it. A lot, probably.

 

You wonder if Cassandra would like your bed.

 

Maybe you should ask her to test it out with you.

Cuddle a bit.

 

But you have a nagging feeling she might not like it, so you decide to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has become more diary-like than I thought. Hm.


	9. routine

You chat with her whenever you can. You learn what there is to know about her, but you want to know more, want to know how she feels like, want to know _her_ , what she is. You openly start flirting with her, but you're not sure whether she realises that you are. You also help her with the few things she asks; you hunt down the Lord Seeker with her, for one.

 

When you return to Skyhold, you find her sitting in solitude, a book on the desk in front of her. It's the Lord Seeker's book, you realise, as you look at the engraved symbol on the cover of it. She looks at you, a grave seriousness and sort of sorrow in her eyes; and you're not sure whether to sit across the table or go around it and try to comfort her.

She tells you of what she learnt from the book, that it was the Seekers who created the rite of Tranquility, and that there is a way to cure it; and when you voice your opinion that the Tranquil deserve a chance, she says that if it works, she will tell the world of it herself. You feel proud, because it seems as if she's grown - from the Cassandra who disapproved of your alliance with the mages, to a Cassandra who is willing to help the Tranquil to feel again.

 

Then she asks if the Seekers should be restored, like she originally intended; she is not so sure anymore. You tell her that if anyone can do it, it's her. That she of all people can do it, and she can also make them worth the time.

 

She thanks you, smiling. You smile back, trying to memorise her smiling face as well as you can - the way her mouth curves, the way the corners of her eyes wrinkle ever so slightly.

 

Creators, you've never wanted to kiss someone so badly. Mythal preserve you.


	10. dance, dance

You almost liked the ball at Halamshiral.

 

The dancing was nice, at least. And even if you had to fight your way through Tevinter assassins and plots over and under other plots and explore libraries forbidden to you and guest wings and whatnot and even close a _rift_ , at the _heart of the Winter Palace_ , you managed to enjoy yourself. Cassandra was complaining, most of the time, of course. You understood why; the etiquette was horribly difficult to follow. But eventually you find yourself on a balcony with Morrigan, her offering you her help, and you have solved the biggest problems in Orlais.

As the witch makes her leave, you leaning on the balcony railing, gazing off into the distance, Cassandra arrives. You turn, smiling faintly at her, standing straight.

"I can't believe you escaped before me. A fat count insisted on talking about soup for fifteen minutes."

She leans on the railing, looking at you. You look back at her, examining the delicate curve of her eyebrow, the scars, beautiful lips, eyes, and, Creators help you, you want to kiss her.

"We can return to Skyhold whenever you like. The sooner the better."

She looks at you closer, frowning.

"Is something wrong?"

You shake your head, chuckling lightly. "Everything went according to plan for once. I couldn't be happier."

"It is a bit of a surprise, isn't it?"

She turns her head, gazing into the direction you were staring at a moment ago. You keep your eyes on her.

"We will need to put the soldiers at Skyhold on alert. Better to be safe."

"Wait", you say, smiling widely at her. "There _is_ one thing we must do before we go."

She turns to look at you again, eyebrow raised, a familiar look of determination on her face as she stands straight, facing you. She probably is expecting one more mission, one more plot to unreveal somewhere in Halamshiral's depths. You smile even wider at her look, and bow.

"May I have this dance, Lady Cassandra?" You offer her your hand, waving it, the way you've seen Orlesian men do when they ask a lady to dance with them.

She looks at you, incredulous.

"A _dance_ _?_ After all we've been through tonight?"

You look at her, straightening; you knew to expect this, her refusal. You're vaguely aware of a blush creeping up your neck and to your face, and you, well, you seem to have lost the ability to speak.

"Can, uh, can you think of a better way to celebrate?" She's staring at you. _Creators, I've made a fool of myself now,_ you think, and stammer on. "You don't- Cassandra, if you don't want to dance with me, that's, that's fine. I, um.."

She also has a slight blush on her face. How did you miss that? You turn to leave. _Oh, Mythal, how can I face her after th-_

"I would love to dance with you", she says, and you whip around. She smiles, almost shyly, and you smile back at her. She takes the hand you offer, and lets you lead her to the middle of the balcony. Her hand is on the small of your back before yours is on hers, so you smile and place your hand on her shoulder, and then she leads you into a slow waltz.

She is still blushing, you note, and you  _have_ to tease her a bit.

"Are you blushing, Cassandra? Oh, Varric owes me now."

She looks at you, that incredulous expression back.

"You made a bet? With _Varric_?"

You laugh, shaking your head. "Just teasing."

She relaxes, her frown dissolving into a smile, and she chuckles. You feel lightheaded by her closeness, her movements against you, her hands on you, and yours on her. _This is where I want to be_ , you think as you circle on the same spot. _I want to stay here, in this moment, forever_.

You look upwards at her. Her face is so close to yours, and you can see every little detail on it, from the beautifully formed lips to her eyes (that are on you, you note dimly) to her cheekbones to her eyebrows. You could probably count her every eyelash if you wanted to, that's how close she is. You blush, suddenly, and she smiles.

And suddenly her lips are on yours, and Creators, they're so soft and warm and everything you've dreamt of, and you open your mouth slightly, and she stops dancing, one hand gently cupping your face, another pulling you closer to her - you let your hand wander from her shoulder to the small of her back, and your other hand is tangled in her hair - and you don't usually use the names of other gods like this, but _Maker_ , it feels so amazing, to finally kiss her.

 

After what feels like forever, she breaks the kiss, and your eyes flutter open, to see her flushed and shy and confused, her eyes focused on everything but you, mostly the floor.

"I'm.. I'm sorry."

Her voice sounds so... you can't put your finger on it, which is understandable, because there's never been anyone who could put their finger on a voice. You briefly pause to marvel at humans and the figures of their speech.

Her hands are in yours, and you squeeze them gently, in an attempt to offer reassurance.

"Cassandra." She looks up at you. You smile, and lean in, trying to kiss her softly, but she moves back slightly, and you frown.

"I- I don't think-- I'm sorry, Inquisitor, I should not have.."

You shake your head. "What are you talking about, Cassandra?"

"I shouldn't have kissed you! It's not appropriate, because of your station. I've-- I've noted your affection, but I'm not sure I can return it. I'm sorry."

She pulls away and dashes from the room, leaving you standing there, confused.

 

She avoids you for the whole of the journey back to Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	11. confrontation

It's been about a week now since Halamshiral and Cassandra still avoids you. You can't help but think that she's acting childishly, refusing to come with you when you venture out, always having something "more important" to do, disappearing when you go and try to talk to her. She _is_ busy, too, though, what with being a Divine canditate and having to meet Chantry representatives. You know she'd make a good Divine, but in your unshared, selfish thoughts you want to support Leliana and keep Cassandra for yourself. Well, the whole Divine business doesn't need your immediate attention, unlike one Nevarran warrior refusing to talk to you.

 

So one night when she's climbing up the stairs to her bedroom, you ambush her by letting her climb up all the way, and then sneaking after her. It works.

"Cassandra?"

She whips around, gaze darting around the place for an escape, but you've successfully cornered her. She throws her hands up, defeated. You smirk at her.

"Fine, you got me. What is it, Inquisitor?"

You clear your throat theatretically, pulling a rolled piece of paper from inside your coat. She looks at you incredulously.

"You wrote a list?"

The paper is actually blank, but she doesn't need to know that. You roll it open and pretend to read from it.

"Firstly, please stop avoiding me."

She sighs, rubbing her eyes with her palms.

"I already told you, I - I cannot return your affectio-"

"For Mythal's sake, Cassandra, I just want you to talk to me!" She looks up at you, almost startled to see you snap at her like that. "This is not about me wanting to court you, which I do want, mind you - but you've been avoiding me for Creators know what reason, and it's maddening! I want to at least be a friend to you, if nothing else", you finish, voice weakening. Suddenly, it's all just so tiring. Your favourite person not talking to you, being the Herald, having the destiny of whole Thedas resting on your shoulders - it's too much. You walk to the nearest wall and slump against it, sliding to the ground. You let your head rest in your hands and just sob, shaking slightly. She sits next to you, leaning against the wall, snaking her arm around your shoulders, and pulls you against her.

"I'm sorry."

You look up at her, mildly surprised, and she looks at you. A faint smile on her lips, she reaches with her hand to wipe your tears away. This just makes you cry more, and she hugs you instead.

"I'm sorry, Inquisitor. I.."

You shake your head, tempted to nuzzle her neck, resisting it just barely.

"It's not your fault, vhenan."

She snorts. "It is my fault, though. I'm sorry for running off like that at the Winter Palace. I'm.. I'm just not sure.."

You smile against her shoulder, your hand on hers.

"What are you not sure about, Cassandra?"

She sighs.

"I've never thought - I never .." Cassandra makes a disgusted noise and pauses, hesitating. "I never thought I would love a woman."

"Neither did I, vhenan, it's not common among the Dalish since we are so.. few. I know for a fact my Keeper would have me return to my clan and bear children.." Now it's you that sighs. "But I don't want to."

She hugs you tighter, probably trying to comfort you.

"Look, Lavellan, I - I'm not sure I can allow you to, well, court me, as you put it."

You lift your head off her shoulder, opening your mouth to speak, but she presses a finger on your lips.

"I'm.. I know some people do it, but I'm not sure I'm one. But.. I'll think of it."

You nod and rise to your feet. It's late and while you do want to stay here and cuddle with Cassandra, wanting to punch a pillow and scream just on your own weighs more and you decide to go sleep.

"Good night, Cassandra."

She nods as you leave, calling after you quietly.

"Good night, Inquisitor."


	12. return to routine

Now that you've got her talking, she comes along to your ventures, and you get to spend time with her again, chatting about the scenery and stars and all between. And even though you share a tent with her, you can mostly restrain yourself and not stare at her when she's in various states between undressed and dressed.

You bring her along everywhere you can, and you have serious talks with her about if she wants to become Divine, and in short, you spend all the time you can with her, to the extent where Sera asks you one time,when you're sitting next to her on the tavern roof, whether Cassandra and you have yet come to an arrangement. You smack her shoulder, telling her to mind her own business, and then you both laugh about it. But later, when you're lying in bed alone in your own quarters, you cannot help but sigh and think about how much nicer it would be to lie here with Cassandra next to you.

Eventually you sit up, pull a cloak around you, and walk to the balcony overlooking Skyhold's courtyard and garden.

Bull seems to be partying with his Chargers - the tavern is full of light, and muffled sounds of music and laughter carry across the view to your ears. As you look at the scenery below, you see something that stands out in the mostly dark world spreading out in front of you.

 

Even though the smithy is otherwise completely dark, Cassandra has lights still on.

 

Before you even realise, you're halfway down the stairs, then silently making your way across the yard, then quietly pulling open the door. As you climb the stairs to Cassandra's hideout, you notice that it's quiet, almost unnaturally so; all you hear are your faint steps and Cassandra's calm breaths. And then you rise on the final landing, only to see something that you never really expected to see.

Cassandra is fast asleep at the table, an open book in front of her. The candle has almost burnt out. You shake your head at her, fondly, and go to her bedroll to get the pillow and the blanket. As you drape the blanket around her, she stirs, but doesn't wake. You lift her enough to push the pillow under her chin, and mark the part she was on the book before closing it. When you're satisfied with your work, you blow out the candle and make your way back to your own quarters, smiling faintly.

Maybe she'll come to her senses.


	13. surprise

Cassandra coughs awkwardly, and you lift your eyes from the book you were reading, comfortably sprawled on the bed. Well, technically, you _lower_ your eyes from the book you're holding up, but Varric said the other way would sound better. Why, you have no idea, but you appreciate his feedback.

"Am I interrupting?"

You smile, putting down the book and propping yourself up into a half-sitting position. She looks stern as usual, but there's a hint of sadness in her eyes. _Odd_ , you think to yourself before replying.

"Not at all, Cassandra."

She shuffles closer, sitting next to you on the bed. You move to the side to make room for her, and she - she moves too, closer to you, and turns so she can lean against the headboard of the bed. You may or may not beam up at her.

"I've... been thinking."

You sit up properly too, shifting positions so you can sit cross-legged, facing her. Blush is slowly creeping up her neck, and she looks down at her thighs. You smile faintly, waiting, eyes on her.

Eventually she continues.

"I.. Inquisitor, I would... Ugh."

She makes a disgusted noise, frowning. The red on her face is deepening at a steady pace.

You smile at her couragingly - and maybe slightly worriedly - when she glances up at you, holding your gaze for a brief moment before looking away again.

"I-- I.."

_She's here to tell me no,_ you realise suddenly as you look at her struggle internally. _That's the only reason - if she had come to tell me that she loves me she would be happier, wouldn't she?_

You close your eyes, searching for the words to tell her it's alright, you'll just have to bear with it, when she clears her throat quietly and you open your eyes, looking at her.

She's holding her hands together so that they form a bowl-like feature, and a tiny ball of fur is there, shivering slightly. You let out a weird, strangled noise of happiness and reach for the furball, taking it in your hands. It's soft, and when you tickle it with your fingertips it opens, revealing a small squirrel stretching on your palm. You repeat your odd noise and hold the animal gently, petting it with your fingers.

"I found it in the corner behind the target dummies, a cat towering over it. I- I thought of you, and how... how.." She stammers, blushing again as you look up at her lovingly. "So I saved it. And.. brought it to you. As.. a.. gift. Of sorts."

You smile widely at her.

"Thank you, Cassandra."

She smiles too, lifting her hand behind her head to scratch the back of her neck.

"That wasn't the only reason I climbed here, though."

She looks at you sheepishly, and you look at her curiously.

"I... I made my decision."

_Here it comes_ , you think, bracing yourself for the fall. _I'm so sorry, Inquisitor, but I cannot-_

"I think I love you."

Your jaw drops open in surprise, and you don't even notice that the little squirrel reaches down from your hand, falls on the bed with the tiniest "thump", and runs off somewhere.

"I've really been thinking, and- and I.. I'm fairly sure that I love you. And I would like to.."

You let your hands fall, mouth still open, gaping at her like that one child in Val Royeaux seeing the Iron Bull for the first time.

"I w-"

You don't let her finish, leaning in to kiss her, and this time she doesn't move away like at Halamshiral. She pulls you on her lap, one hand on your waist, one on your back. You're straddling her to the bed, a hand tangled in her hair, the other braced agaist the wall or the headboard, you're not sure, because all you know is her, her lips, her mouth on yours, the taste of her on your tongue, her scent, her hands on you, her, _her._

She pulls away slightly, out of breath, and you move your lips off hers, traveling down her cheek over the scar to her neck, and then you pull at her clothes away from her neck and bite, teeth leaving little marks on her collarbone, sucking a little as you nip at her skin - and she moans, and it's a sound you've never heard before, so you savour it like it was the last time you're going to hear it.

You straighten, looking at her, smiling. She's flushed, mildly out of breath, and there are the loveliest little bite marks on the small strip of skin you managed to reveal without having to pull all of her armour and clothes off. Not that you would mind doing that.

"Lavellan, I-"

You kiss her again, letting her finish her sentence against your mouth in a breathy mixture of moan and whisper.

 

"- love you."

 


	14. thedas can wait

"Cassandra?"

She opens her eyes, looking at you. You're lying next to her, fingers intertwined. The blanket supposed to be covering the bed is half on the floor, and the pillows are surprisingly far away. Your clothes and her armour are all around the room. You smile at her.

"What is it?"

Your heart skips a beat at the sound of her voice, sort of.. smoky, you think is the word humans use for it. At least, that was in the book Cassandra likes. You made Dorian lend it to you, just so you could see what it was about. You wonder why she would bother reading about it, when she could actually be _doing_ it. Oh well.

"Have you seen the squirrel you gave me? I think it ran off."

She frowns, propping herself up on her elbows and gazing around the room. You admire her profile. The profile of her breasts. Those beautiful, round, firm--

"I can go look for it, if you like."

You look up at her face, only to see her smirking at you, clearly having noticed where your eyes were. You blush and pretend to consider sending her away.

"Hmm... no, I'd prefer you to stay here."

Cassandra chuckles, pulling you closer to her. You lean in to kiss her, and she kisses you back, steadily, sternly, as is her whole being. You can't think of anyone else you'd trust as much as you trust her.

"I think I can stay for a little longer."

Then she rolls the both of you, until she's sitting up, straddling your hips to the bed, hands on your stomach. You smirk at her before she leans down to kiss you, sliding her hands along your body until the other hand is cupping your breast and the other is braced against the bed so she doesn't fall on you. You bite her lower lip gently as she tries to pull away, and you _swear_ that she trembles before kissing you again.

She moves her mouth, tracing kisses down your chin to your jaw to your neck to your collarbones to your shoulders, finding all the spots that make you go wild (what an odd saying. Why the humans would do this, you have no idea.) and leave you as a shivering mess (another weird saying from the shemlen). She bites the crook of your neck, sucking on it so it leaves a mark, and you can't help but moan. You can feel her smile against your skin before she trails the kisses lower, to your breasts, and lower, lower, to your ribcage to your navel to your thighs to your-- and she's dragging her tongue across you, drawing moans and groans and little whimpers from you, and that's her finger in- _ohbythecreatorsthatfeelssoamazing._ Then she's kissing you, and you can taste yourself on her lips. She swallows your moans, smiling as you come.

 

When you've recovered, she lets you return the favour, and you revel in the delicious sounds she lets out of her mouth when she comes, shaking and whimpering and moaning and those little "oh, Maker, Lavellan, please don't stop"s.

 

You cuddle with her for the rest of the night.


	15. the nightingale sings

Sadly, you cannot lock the two of you forever into your quarters, and eventually Cassandra has to pick up her armour and get dressed. It takes longer than it probably would, were she alone; you keep kissing the back of her neck, and then she has to kiss you back while she's trying to pull on some clothing.

After a long time, however, she is finally dressed, and makes her leave after kissing you (again, but you don't mind. You've wanted to kiss her for so long, and now she wants to kiss _you_ and it's amazing). You stay on the bed for a while, closing your eyes. Maybe you drift off to light sleep.

 

You probably did, because you wake up, suddenly, and before you've adjusted to your surroundings you've pulled the blanket to cover most of you and lit your hand on fire (mages don't need weapons, which you're glad of. _You_ are the weapon.).

Leliana snickers, leaning against the wall, as you let the flames fade off your palm. You are vaguely aware that your face is deep red.

"Sleep well?" she asks in her Orlesian accent.

You grunt, wrapping the blanket around you so she has to lift her gaze from your breasts.

"Wild night?"

"You'd know, _spymaster_ ", you answer, sounding meaner than you meant to. She just smirks.

"Well, I'd advise you to get dressed. You have a world to save, Inquisitor", she says before leaving, throwing a knowing look at you as she begins to descend the stairs.

 

You sigh and do get dressed. Ugh. You wish you could just stay forever in your room. With Cassandra. Let Cullen and Leliana and Josie deal with the world.

 

After you've eaten, you make your way to the war table. Your advisors are waiting, Cullen looking mildly uncomfortable as Leliana and Josephine are talking about something, clearly excited.

"Morning, Inquisitor", the Antivan says, smiling. You nod as a reply, then turn your attention to the table itself.

 

 

It takes hours to sort out the world. Josie has someone to bring food to the war room so you can continue dealing with problems straight away. It's dull, tedious work and your advisors want to disagree on everything, but finally the day is over and you tell them to go do something fun before you pull up a chair and let your head fall on the table with a loud 'thud' noise.

 

Leliana, however, stays.

She's smiling, a genuine, well-meaning smile, as you lift your head and notice her leaning against the wall behind the table.

"Was there something you need, Leliana?"

She shrugs before replying.

"Nothing specific. I just wanted to congratulate you."

You must look really confused, because she laughs.

"I mean Cassandra. She really took her time, didn't she?"

"Oh. Yes, she did", you mutter, blushing slightly.

"You remind me of Mahariel, you know. The Hero of Ferelden. She flirted with me tirelessly before I believed she really wanted me."

You straighten, looking at her interestedly.

"She was a pretty thing, too", Leliana continues, her expression becoming mildly dreamy. "White hair, green eyes. Her _vallaslin_ was the Halla-Mother's, I think. Ghilan'nain, am I correct?"

You nod.

"She was so.. Heroic. She didn't want anyone to sacrifice for her. She wanted nobody to die in vain, so she did as Morrigan asked." She smiles again at your confused expression. "Yes, Morrigan. She helped us stop the Fifth Blight. You know her son? He is the king's son. Alistair's son."

"Really?"

"Yes. I think she loved us all. Zevran, Wynne, Shale. Even Sten, I think. He respected her greatly."

"Do you know where they are now?"

She nods thoughtfully. "Almost all of them, yes."

"Whose whereabouts are you not aware of?"

Her face drops, her eyes becoming sad.

"Mahariel herself."

You smile faintly, standing up so you can go around the table and hug her, but she's faster.

"I'm sorry, Inquisitor. I'm sure you have much better things to do than listen to me."

You open your mouth to protest, but she dashes out, leaving you alone.


	16. promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I am truly sorry for the break in my writing. I had an awful writer's block, and then I was too busy gaming, and I sort of forgot about it. Now, however, I'm back in action. I try to be. Sorry again.

Life goes on.

 

Mission after mission, you keep solving the problems of Thedas. The world is slowly starting to look brighter. Hope is not lost.

 

You're delighted to find a Dalish clan in Dirthavaren, or as the shems call it, the Exalted Plains. It's nice to speak elven again, and the Keeper seems to respect you to a certain degree, though he seems distrustful of the Inquisition. But the younger elvhen seem excited to meet a new face.

 

In general, you like the region of Halin'sulahn a lot. Well, the whole of Exalted Plains. What's not to like? The halla remind you of your clan (which makes you a little homesick), and you pay your respects to the statues of the Creators found in Ghilan'nain's grove. The Halla-mother reminds you of Leliana, who mentioned the Hero of Ferelden bearing her vallaslin.  
 

 

You wish you could find her.

 

 

Just to make Leliana happy.

 

In fact, you decide to swear you will. You will swear to Leliana as soon as you return to Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, this is short, but fear not!! i will post the next one shortly


	17. uninvited, yet welcome guests

 When you return to Skyhold, Josephine is at the gates, waiting for you, and informs you that you have a guest. Or two. Or three. She didn't actually mention how many, just dropped a hint that there may be more than one.

"What guests? I haven't invited anyone, Josie."

She nods.

"I know this, Inquisitor, but there are a few nevertheless. Leliana is expecting you with them in her tower."

You shrug and make your way to the castle itself, taking a detour to grab Cassandra with you. She had to stay behind, recovering from a cold, but she seems better already, and brightens up when she sees you. You settle for a quick kiss before half dragging her towards the top layer of the circular tower.

_A few_ , you think to yourself as you arrive to the Leliana's nest. Several people are there, Varric and Leliana herself amongst them. You spot Morrigan speaking to a blonde shem dressed quite well. They seem to be arguing. Three elves near the railing, deep in conversation, with Leliana leaning against said railing next to the one with short, white hair. Hawke with some other humans, speaking with a dark-skinned elf. A qunari and... a golem?

You clear your throat loudly, and, to your surprise, it has the desired effect. Everyone ceases their chatter and turns to look at you.

"Sorry to interrupt", you start, sort of weakly. "But I'd like to know who you all are. And why are you here, anyway?"

Hawke is the one who replies.

"To meet old friends, mostly. And make new ones."

You must look very confused, because she continues.

"We all have some connections to each other.. but you should ask Merrill, it was she who had the idea."

A Dalish elf with raven black hair gives a little wave and started talking excitedly in a beautiful, sort of singsong voice.

"Yes, Inquisitor - that's your title, isn't it - I thought that we all should have a nice meet up! The heroes of Thedas." She smiles shyly.

You nod, but probably still look incredulous. The room is packed with people.

"I still don't know who you are, though."

Leliana smiles. "The heroes of Thedas, naturally. Let's start with us Blight-enders..."

She walks to Morrigan and the blonde shem, who you recognise with a start to be King Alistair. Two elves, the qunari and the golem join them.

"You know me, Morrigan and Alistair, surely. Now this is Zevran Arainai..."

The blonde elf gives a small bow before speaking in an Antivan accent much resembling Josie's. "A pleasure, Inquisitor Lavellan." He smiles.

"You may call me Sten", says the mildly grumpy-looking qunari, a box in his hands containing what you strongly suspect to be cookies.

"Shale." The golem looks warily at the birds surrounding them.

The elf with short, white hair smiles. She has the vallaslin of Ghilan'nain.

"I am Adaris Mahariel." She is holding Leliana's hand, you notice. "Also known as Warden Mahariel, the Hero of Ferelden.. you know. It's quite a long list."


	18. lost and found

You bow deep, a human habit you've picked up a long while ago.

"Aneth ara, Hero. You honour this castle by your presence", you blurt out.

She waves her hand, still smiling. "No need for the formalities, Inquisitor. We're here to become friends, are we not?"

You nod, a faint smile on your face.

"I am Alayne Lavellan." She nods.

Then Hawke claps her hands together. "Right! Champion time! Alissa Hawke, as you all know." She bows. Her brown eyes sparkle with laughter.

The beautiful woman with a lot of golden jewelry speaks next. "Isabela." She winks at Adaris. Or Zevran. Maybe both?

Merrill introduces herself, gaining a warm smile from Adaris.

"Anders.." says the thin, blonde man in black feathered robes. "And before you ask, yes, I am _the_ Anders."

Varric waves enthusiastically.

The white-haired elf with spiky armour grunts something. You interpret it as "Fenris".

"Aveline couldn't make it, unfortunately", Hawke says brightly. "Too much work."

You nod slowly. Everyone is quiet and seems to be looking at you. You have no idea why.

 

The silence stretches.

 

You clear your throat.

"Welcome to Skyhold, then."

Isabela lets out a small _woot!_ sound and claps her hands together. "Let the party begin, right?"


	19. where did the party go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been trying to post this chapter like.. 15 times? but i never finish it...

It's almost terrifying, the speed with which Josephine has the main castle hall prepared for a party. In less than an hour, all the tables have been loaded with food and drink.

Isabela, you think her name was, seems to be already a bit drunk and is having a loud conversation with Bull, Dorian and Zevran. Merrill is excitedly talking with Solas and Morrigan, both of whom seem a little less enthusiastic, but seem to be polite anyway. Alistair, (King Alistair, you have to constantly remind yourself) eats happily with Cullen, who is nervously stealing glances at the golem, Shale. (She is glaring at Cullen. Or seems to be - the facial expressions of golems are quite hard to read.) Leliana seems determined to not let Mahariel out of her sight, and for a good reason too, you assume, since they haven't seen each other in a long while; and when Mahariel walks to you, the Nightingale follows her. You smile at her, and she smiles back again.

"Enjoying yourself, Warden-Commander?"

She chuckles lightly before answering.

"I am, but do call me Adaris."

You smile again at her.

"Alright, Adaris."

"So, lethallin... how is your clan? Merrill told me ours was fine when she last saw them, though the Keeper... I am going to miss her."

You glance at Merrill. "You're from the same clan as her?"

She smiles.

"Yes. She was the Keeper's first, and she wants to restore our history, the elven history. The eluvian that corrupted me - you've heard the story, haven't you?"

You regrettingly admit that you haven't, and she claps her hands together.

"Oh, Creators, it's a long story. The shorter version is that me and my friend-" she frowns slightly, her eyes saddening for a moment, "my friend Tamlen, we were hunting one day when we encountered a few shemlen who said they'd found a cave with a demon in it. I wanted to get the Keeper there with us, but he wouldn't listen.. Oh, Tamlen. We ventured into the cave.. and it wasn't a cave, but a huge network of tunnels, and there were spiders and skeletons that attacked us, and a weird bear. And a huge mirror, the eluvian, in the middle of a chamber.."

You nod to her as her voice trails off.

"Go on, Adaris."

She blinks and clears her throat.

"Oh, yes. Well.. Tamlen wanted to touch it. There was some kind of an explosion.. I woke up in the clan's camp. They said I had been unconscious for three days, and Tamlen was missing, and I was deathly ill with something the Keeper had never encountered. So she sent me back to investigate the ruins... with Merrill."

She looks at Merrill and smiles faintly.

"She was, of course, excited. A chance for her to study ancient ruins filled with elven artifacts? We couldn't linger, though, and she couldn't take many notes. But later she returned, and took the eluvian with her before the clan leaved the area."

Hawke and Anders joined king Alistair and Cullen in their conversation, which you vaguely expect to become one about mage rights, remembering what Hawke told you about Anders when you met her the first time.

"Anyway, then I joined the Grey Wardens and embarked on a journey to stop the Blight. I expect you've heard _that_ story?" She smiles.

You nod, smiling at her before Leliana pulls Adaris away and Cassandra stalks closer.

"Having fun?"

You smile at the Seeker and smooch her brow.

"I am, thank you for asking. Are you?"

She nods right before the doors open. Everyone turns to look.

A small group of people come inside as you walk towards them to see who they are.

Two dwarves, two shemlen, an elf.

"We heard there was a meeting, and hurried here from Vigil's Keep", the red haired dwarf says. "Hello, Commander."

Adaris smiles at them before turning to you.

"Do you mind if my senior wardens join us?"

You grin widely.

"Not at all. The more the merrier, or however that shemlen saying goes, right?"


	20. [solas voice] wake up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started a new playthrough of inquisition to romance the egg because i love to suffer

You wake from Cassandra's warm embrace. Light is softly streaming from between the open curtains, and she stirs a bit when you wiggle yourself out of her arms, but doesn't wake. You pull on some clothing and sneak downstairs to check on your guests.

 

The dwarf with red hair, Ohgren, is leaning against the throne, snoring loudly, surrounded by empty barrels. Merrill is curled up in the corner, accompanied by Hawke. Zevran, Bull and Dorian are nowhere to be seen, and neither are Adaris, Leliana and Isabela. (You wonder if that is just a coincidence.) Fenris is lying on one of the tables, with Anders' head on his chest, both fast asleep. You nod at Morrigan and Kieran, up relatively early. You overhear her words on Alistair ("No, dear, we can't go live with your father. I can't stand him, to be quite honest"). Cole is sitting on another table, smiling, probably listening to the others' dreams.

You make your way towards the library and find Cullen is asleep at Solas' table, with the elf frowning at the sleeping commander.

"What's wrong, Solas?" you ask softly, not wanting to wake the blond man.

"I'm merely worried he'll drool on my books", the elf replies with a sigh and a shake of his head as you snort.

Cassandra catches up with you as you climb down from the library, your expression probably shocked, based on Cassandra's worrying look at you.

"You don't want to go there, emma lath", you tell her.

"Why not?" she asks curiously, but takes your hand and follows you anyway.

"I'd rather not say, or you wouldn't be able to look at them again", you answer, ignoring the Seeker's frown. You'd rather not think about it. (Bull, Dorian and Zevran had seemingly had a party of their own. There, Varric, now you know.)

 

You resume your journey of checking up on everyone, walking across the courtyard. Varric and Vivienne are politely conversing at one table. You hear Sera's faint giggling upstairs, accompanied with.. yes, you're relatively sure the other voice belongs to the arcanist, Dagna. Leliana and Adaris are sitting on the stairs practically glued to each other. Leliana's hood is down, her bright red hair shining softly. Isabela appears to be chatting up Josephine and the Warden's that got to Skyhold late last night are speaking with the Chargers.

Everything seems to be in relatively good order, so you pull Cassandra with you and return to your quarters.

She sits on the sofa and draws you on her lap, letting you tangle your fingers in her hair and kiss her softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt proof read this because im supposed to be revising biology. please tell me if you spot any typos or anything


	21. wooden griffon feathers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you completely forget the lumberjack warden

You suddenly realise you haven't seen Blackwall in a few days, so you quietly make your way towards the stables.

 

He's there, working on that wooden griffon, beard covered in flakes of wood. You lean against the door frame, watching him at work. He doesn't notice your arrival until you cough quietly, causing him to jump.

"Maker's breath", he says. "You startled me."

"My apologies, Blackwall", you reply, inclining your head slightly. "I didn't see you last night."

He frowns, looking mildly puzzled.

"What happened last night?"

It's your turn to frown.

"You didn't hear the sounds of the huge party?"

He shakes his head as you move closer, placing your hands on the table with the wooden griffon.

"Well, Warden-Commander Mahariel and the Champion of Kirkwall brought their friends here and we, uh.. had a gathering."

He nods slowly. "I see."

You raise your eyebrows.

"You don't want to see your Warden friends?"

He fumbles for words, turning his attention back to the griffon. Even in its unfinished state, it is an incredibly detailed work of art. You wonder who he's making it for, if anyone.

"I.. I've been alone for so long.. I don't think I know how to.. act.. around them."

"Ahuh. Right."

He glances at you and sighs.

"Look, Inquisitor, my friend", he says softly. "Come here and I'll tell you a secret."

He sits down on one of the stools and rubs his eyes with his palms. You follow his lead and take a seat.

"I don't know how to put this", Blackwall mutters, wringing his hands.

"Take your time, lethallin."

He snorts quietly and takes a deep breath.

"I'm... I'm not really a Warden."


	22. confessions of a warden

"Well.. I expect you have an explanation."

Blackwall looks at you in surprise, probably having expected you to curse him with the Maker's wrath or set him on fire with a snap of your fingers. _Shems._ Never considering the other party to listen, always expecting for the worst.

"That's the difficult part. I do intend to.. try.. but I can understand if you don't understand."

You wave your hand dismissively. "Tell me, Blackwall."

He groans and inhales deeply.

"Actually, it's Thom. Thom Rainier. It's a long story. It begins in the Free Marches many years ago.."

The Warden-- well, _assumed_ Warden launches into his story, which involves a Grand Tourney, the army of Orlais, and a high amount of killing. He explains how the real Blackwall sacrificed himself to protect him, and how he went on as Blackwall under the story of a lone recruiter.

"... Then you arrived, Inquisitor. I presume you know the rest", he finishes.

"Yes, I was there, I do know." You sigh. "What should I do with you?"

He shrugs.

"Whatever you want."

 

\--

 

You drag him to the tavern where you last saw the Wardens. They're still there and look at you curiously as you slam the door open and push Blackwall further in to the room.

Mahariel stands up after pressing a kiss on Leliana's forehead, leaving the spymaster on the stairs.

"Is something wrong, lethallan?"

"Not exactly, but it concerns the Wardens."

She raises her eyebrows, gaze shifting between you and Blackwall. Leliana creeps up from behind her, wordlessly asking you what's going on with a single gaze. You shake your head slightly, a barely noticeable movement, but she sees it and gives you a very small nod. _Alright_ , she seems to be saying.

"Thom here would like to become a Warden," you say. Leliana raises her eyebrows in surprise. Blackwall's - well, Thom's - face resembles a tomato. You continue before any of them can say anything. "The Inquisition has been under the false impression that he's Warden Blackwall-" you see Mahariel narrowing her eyes before resuming, "but the matter is not so. He was meant to become one years ago, but that plan failed."

Mahariel crosses her arms and nods for you to continue.

"Anyway. Let me deal with Corypheus and then recruit him, is what I'm trying to propose here. I need all the help I can get", you finish.

To your surprise, she nods.

"Alright, Inquisitor. I'll conscript him out of your hands when you've dealt with the fenedhis trying to destroy Thedas."

You nod and push Blackw-- _Thom_ towards the wardens.

"Go socialise with your future comrades in arms, friend", you say quietly.

He nods with a small smile. His eyes seem to say "thank you".

You turn around and go back to your quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because fuck canon, thats why


End file.
